Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
