Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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