The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
