The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
