you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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