So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
