Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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