i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
