1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
