After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
