she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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