TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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