Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize