i wish my penis had a tongue
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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