where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
