Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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