My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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