I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
