i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
