Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
