You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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