i was born a porn star she said
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
