I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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