Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Sober January is a disaster.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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