She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
