i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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