I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
