Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
