Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I cut my penus on the lid.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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