i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
