I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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