at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
