i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
