It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
