Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
