Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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