Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
