yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You smell like stripper and shame
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
