She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?