I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits