just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
