i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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