I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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