And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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