thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
