if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
