you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
