I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
high people should be assigned attendants
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
