But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
