Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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