Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
