Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
