what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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