Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
