Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We got so high we made milksteak
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
