I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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