I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
