Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
