WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
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So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
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Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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