Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize