Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All I want is dick and wine.
I want a musical about memes.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
