I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
