And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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