he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
