Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
